All posts by Luke Morris

  • Bendigo Standard Investigates the Eye Thingy Fake News Stuff

    “Nup. Not a clue who made it,” said Mike Elliott, Senior Editor of the Bendigo Standard. “I’ve not even seen the eye thingy story,” said Luke Morris, Junior Vice-Senior Editor of the Bendigo Standard. Apparently the media...

    • Posted July 19, 2017
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  • Storm Shakes Bendigo Man’s House and Makes Him Wish He Bought a More Expensive House

    Wind and rain lash Bendigo, causing Adam West to rue his decision to opt for the rustic look. “Okay, okay,” said Mr West, holding a shoe box over his head, “I could have gotten one of those...

    • Posted July 17, 2017
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  • Trump Email To Mexico Exposed

    Donald Trump, the top brass of America, has gone about revenue raising in the best way he knows how. “We asked Potus what he wanted to do about paying for the whole wall schmozzle,” said Junior Vice-President...

    • Posted January 28, 2017
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  • The Back Pain Cure Bendigo Doctors Hate For You To Know

    “Sure it works for back pain,” said Dr Julius M. Hibbert of a Kangaroo Flat medical practice. “It’s oxycodone. It’ll work on migraines, gun shots, and decapitation.” This wonder drug was identified when Doug Attick, not his...

    • Posted December 28, 2016
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  • World Safari 4 In Production

    “What with Bear Grylls, Turtle Man, and Donald Trump rocking it in the reality TV world, I thought it was time,” said Australian-freaking-icon Alby Mangles. With the choke hazard that was dusting off the VHS camera complete,...

    • Posted December 23, 2016
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  • New Windows 10 Update Offers Hitman Service

    “Usually I say, ‘Bloody Microsoft,’ but this update could be really useful,” said Craig McLachlan, 37, Kangaroo Flat. While most people agree that if they wanted their computer to be updated they’d just buy a new computer,...

    • Posted December 20, 2016
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  • Self-employed Woman Gets Herself In Her Office Secret Santa

    “What are the odds,” said Megan Washington rhetorically. Ms. Washington, 24, Long Gully, and a freelance bobcat operator, stood in her flat’s staff/lounge room and drew herself in her office Kris Kringle dip. “I pulled myself out...

    • Posted December 19, 2016
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  • Bendigo Medical Reminds Man Of Routine Pap Smear

    “Golly,” said Mr Luke Morris. “I didn’t know I needed to have a pap smear.” The email he received spoke of a routine procedure conducted on women. “The bit I found most surprising was not the lack...

    • Posted December 18, 2016
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  • Newspaper Clarifies Skateboarders Are Not Actually Spewing

    The Bendigo Advertiser has recently had to clarify that local skateboarders have not been ejecting undigested food stuffs and body acids via their mouths. “I understand the confusion,” said editor-in-chief Nobby Johnson. “Because when kids today say...

    • Posted December 14, 2016
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  • Research Shows Dogs Don’t Use Tinder

    After two years of studying canine mating, Dr Richard Feynman has come to a conclusion. “At first it was bizarre,” said Dr Feynman. “Dogs were out there, producing puppies, but we could identify no access to online dating.” The good...

    • Posted December 11, 2016
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