Beer Wankers Replace Wine Wankers as Most Annoying Wankers

By on August 25, 2018

A recent Morgan-Gallen poll of wankers has given top billing to beer snobs, edging out wine buffs, politicians, teenage boys, and people who take photos of themselves.

One of these beer wankers is Barry Cassidy, 27, of White Hills.

“It all started after tasting my first watermelon hoped filtered IPAAXA,” said Mr Cassidy. “Ever since I’ve been yanking my own chain.”

Mr Cassidy now runs beer speciality shop Hop Along Cassidy’s, where local beer-nuts taste the finest beers available.

“This one is infused with chicken salt to give it a fucked taste,” said Mr Cassidy.

Local wine expert Vanya Cullen is glad his industry is now free of the top wanker tag.

“We had a dark period when people buried cow horns in vine rows and picked fruit on moon cycles, but now we offer booze that is red or white, and that’s a relaxing change,” she said.

The Bendigo Beer Wanker Parade is happening today, with many a Triple Hoped Oak Barrel Filtered Top Yeast Run Off Belgium Gased Ale, and some cider, on offer.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

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