Your Horoscope – Week Of July 17, 2017

By on July 17, 2017

Here are your Horoscopes for this week.


♋ Cancer | June 21 to July 22

You will find a way new way to make homemade charcoal by putting a chicken in the oven and quickly checking your Facebook


♌ Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

You will resist to download Ed Sheeran’s latest album because you’re not an 18 year old girl


♍ Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

You will go on an unexpected trip when you fall up a flight of stairs.


♎ Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

You will finish writing that advice book about trees. When it is published expect people to take a leaf out of it


♏ Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

You will surprise your work colleagues when you tell them you still haven’t seen Game Of Thrones


♐ Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

You still refuse to download Ed Sheeran’s latest album because you’re not a 14-year-old girl.


♑ Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

You realise how much you like bum bags because it’s where you keep your dignity.


♒ Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Give up on your dreams, everyone else has.


♓ Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

There is someone living in your walls. And he’s pissed.


♈ Aries | March 21 to April 19

Clear your browser history.


♉ Taurus | April 20 to May 20

You will wish you had stayed in bed. You need a pet. Go ask someone to pet you.


♊ Gemini | May 21 to June 20

You will opt for plastic surgery this week. Label the right part before you go under or they’ll have no clue where to start.

All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

About Your Friendly Neighbourhood Psychic

Leave a Reply and win at life

%d bloggers like this: