Quarry hill Man Ineexplicably Popular On Tinder

By on October 24, 2016

“Wowsers! I never knew so many women find me attractive,” said Garth Brookes, 38, from Quarry Hill.

Having used online dating application Tinder fo a week, Mr Brooks is surprised at his success.

“I’ve been matched with so many women that I can’t choose,” he reported.

Ar first he thought it was a mistake, when the 26 year-old Emma wrote to him, “omggg i’m so boredddd.”

“Potentially she dropped her phone and then palm-texted me when picking it up,” he philosophised.

But Emma was not the only 26 year-old who lived 3 kilometers away to message him.

“Then I got Shalonda and Lana and Marion. That was boom, boom, boom!”

He quite logically reasoned that their poor spelling could be attributed tot heir age.

“People use text speak nowadays like all the time they don’t even notice lax grandma.”

So words spelt “biig” and “hallar” and “wut” were no surprise.

“Spelling is Not n issue when it comes to luv.”

Some people still have standards.

“For shiz I was trying to find someone in my age bracket, but if it takes the 26 year-old, 3 kilometer away, three photos, no bio, semi-illiterate market to apprecite my online presence, then that’s what I’ll accept.”

The real issue is who to choose.

“I’m jst glad none of my mtches have more than one person in their photograph. i’m just not ready for orgy sex with a conjoined twin. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

We at the Bendigo Standard wish Mr Brokes all the best with his roamcnes.

All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

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