Bendigo Man Eats Own Head

By on January 7, 2018
Megan sometimes puts an apple on Mark's shoulders and dresses him as Son of Man by René Magritte.

“Tastes like chicken,” reported Megan Fox, translating for her husband Mark Fox, 24, from Strathfieldsaye.

It started as a bet, as these things do, when on an end of season footy trip a teammate of Mark’s at the Strathfieldsaye Jaguar Sharks challenged him to eat his hat.

“Apparently Mark then said, something like, ‘What, you reckon i wont! Put in another five and I’ll eat my ear!’ or something like that, it’s really hard to understand him these days.”

Megan first met Mark two years ago at the Star Bar, and it was love at first sight.

“I really liked his cheek bones… apparently he did too.”

After consuming the hat and ear, other teammates encouraged Mark to eat other bits on his head, such as his nose, eye lids, and a pencil he was chewing.

“They put quite a pot together, apparently it covered beers for the night and a parma, not that Mark needed to eat more after he finished with his cerebral cortex.”

Devouring his primary thought function didn’t prevent Mark from munching away at other lobes and skull fragments.

“They agreed he could skip his hair, so that’s a good thing. Eating hair is yuck,” said Mrs Fox.

With the top part of his cranium consumed, Mark’s friends helped him by chipping away his teeth and dropping them down his gullet.

“Everyone says it was a real team bonding experience, apparently like doing Kokoda or starting a small business.”

The lower mandible was next, having to be pureed into a liquid and poured down his open throat.

“I now feed him though the opening,” said Mrs Fox. “He likes a mixture of milk, corn and bourbon.”

Mark’s teammates had the good sense to leave most of the brain stem intact and cauterize the wounds.

“It wont grow back apparently, but doctors say he can function on basic impulses, like he can walk into things and breathe and he can shit pretty much anywhere now, when before he had to come home because he was afraid of public toilets.”

A midfielder with a high disposal rate, Mark was said to have a good head on his shoulders.

“They don’t say that about him anymore,” said Megan.

Pictures of Mark and his amazing headless body can be purchased by following this link: Mark and His Amazing Headless Body Dot Com

All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

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