Bendigo Medical Reminds Man Of Routine Pap Smear

By on December 18, 2016

“Golly,” said Mr Luke Morris. “I didn’t know I needed to have a pap smear.”

The email he received spoke of a routine procedure conducted on women.

“The bit I found most surprising was not the lack of routine I had experienced in having pap smears, but that I thought I wasn’t a woman.”

Alerted to this possible oversight Mr Morris conducted his own tests.

“I went to the bathroom and pee’d standing up,” he said.

While that might seem conclusive of his gender, some women can urinate while standing. Some even write their name if it’s not too long.

“So then I tried to breast feed a baby, but that was a failed experiment.”

As women who haven’t had children don’t generally lactate milk, not being able to breast feed is not conclusive evidence of anything.

“Next I wondered if I should watch the Today Show and see if I found any of that interesting.”

However the Today Show is not interesting, and therefore not helpful for gender definitions.

“My ears weren’t pierced, but that’s not a clue any more. I have worn a dress but Scotsmen do that. In fact, this whole gender identity via stereotypes thing is really more complicated that it seems. I’m not attracted to men, expect when at that one Xavier Rudd gig in 2002, so I could be a lesbian.”

Despite the rigorous testing Mr or Miss Morris felt unclear, and decided to visit Bendigo Medical for advice on his next step.

“Turned out they were fully booked and told me to come back on Thursday at 3pm.”

Until then, the mystery will remain unsolved.

All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

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