Big Stories of 2017 in Bendigo: Marriage Rights

By on December 23, 2017

Emotional scenes in Bendigo this year as a plate ran away with a spoon.

“It’s simply ridiculous,” said Pasta Joylife, a Catholic spokesman (Yep it was a man. Definitely a man. We’re not being sexist but you know, they wouldn’t let a woman talk would they!).

“How can they let two different types of objects marry!” continued Killjoy. “Two humans who can articulate their emotions and show devotion to one another, that’s fine, but cutlery and crockery! They don’t even live in the same draw. I mean, in my house one of them is kept in the cupboard. And it will stay in the cupboard! I don’t want to have to bend over for a plate!”

Inflexible as Pastor Nolife may be, the vote on marriage freedoms was carried in Bendigo with 68% majority, compared to Ballarat’s 62%. You jerks Ballarat (statistics as reported in the Bendigo Weekly).

“Those statistics are wrong. Ballarat was higher than Bendigo,” Angela Langsbury pointed out. Needlessly mind you. We were happy being better than Ballarat.

Anyway, it is understood that a cat will play a fiddle at the wedding, a cow is extremely excited for them, and some dog finds this a big laugh.

The fork was unavailable for comment.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

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