Epsom Woman Believes Can of Coke Tastes Better Than Bottle of Coke

By on September 24, 2018

“It’s all about the fung shui of the vessel,” said Megan Fox, 32, Epsom.

As though the glug of a fizzy drink, best known for its use as a stain remover, and not just any stains, like motor oil and deep curry marks, seriously, people ingest this and mix it with their stomach acids, and I’m willing to bet the stomach acids don’t know what to do. Imagine if you’re the big cheese in town, breaking down meats and veggies, and then cola comes along with its ability to break down carbon. The stomach acids are just going to take a break and say, “Over to you, big guy.”

Anyway.

“So we did it all in the name of science,” sad Miss Fox… probably meant to write “said Miss Fox” but it is sad, isn’t it?

“So what we did was get two litres of Bacardi and the Gilmore Girls movie, and just had a night in,” sad Miss Fox.

So what Miss Fox did with her friends was mix a can of cola with Bacardi, a bottle of cola with Bacardi, and have shots of Bacardi as a “control”, while arguing if Rory and Logan ever get married.

“And you know what? They got to. I mean they are so good together.”

But on the experiment?

“Oh yeah! Totally the can of coke. It was just fresher. The blocking of sunlight provided by the aluminium can protects the cola molecules of being broken down by sunlight. It keeps the thin chain molecules in tact, and thus preserves the flavour better. That’s also why milk from a carton is better than a plastic bottle.”

So there you have it. Rory and Logan probably do get married.

All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

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