Exam Advice From the Bendigo Standard

By on October 27, 2018

The Bendigo Standard didn’t become Bendigo’s number 2 source of Long Gully facts by following the “rules”. So here are our tips for school exam success:

– If in doubt choose C.

– Remember, you can go to every lecture, attend every tut, read every article and do every text book study question and get 100%, or guess each question correctly and still get 100%.

– You didn’t spend $156 on energy drinks for nothing. Cheat.

– Reading time is for chumps. Don’t read. Stare at the monitors until they freak out.

– Cough and grunt at random. You’re not cheating if nobody else knows the code.

– If you can’t be bothered with the multiple choice mark the from so the dots make a smiley face.

– If there’s an All of the Above, go on, that’s got to be the answer.

– Politicians only answer the questions they want to. They’re running the country. No matter the actual question answer whatever YOU want.

– Frogs are people too. Well they’re not but if they were they should enter the Olympics.

– If you’re struggling with a question, ask yourself, what would Rod Fyffe do?

– Your parent’s parents probably didn’t finish year twelve, and two hundred years ago people thought dinosaurs lived in the centre of the earth, and fifteen years ago they thought the moon was made of cheese. When you think about it, you’re already pretty smart.

– Calculators were invented for a reason.

– Try and set yourself the challenge of using the word penguin in at least one answer.

– Penguins have been using thermodynamics since 1872.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

Leave a Reply and win at life