Golden Square Mosquitoes Use Anti-Mosquito Candle As Night Torch

By on October 25, 2016
Steve. One of the Golden Square mosquitoes.

“Sometimes you hear a chainsaw buzzing, but you can’t be sure it’s a chainsaw making that sound,” said Genevieve Morley, 32, of Golden Square, when describing the local mosquitoes.

“They sit on street corners with their skateboards, tossing coins in the air, spitting at old ladies, and sucking blood out of stones if they want. They do what they want round here.”

The local mosquito population has risen in recent days, and the impact on the community has not been unnoticed.

“They reckon they have them bad in Eaglehawk, but that’s not a claim to fame.”

Mosquitoes in the Golden Square area have been seen hunting at night, using scented candles to guide them, as they follow traces of insect repellent to track their prey.

“It’s like watching witch hunters on the prowl, banging saucepans together on their crusade for a victim. Maybe more like a dog catcher, ’cause once they find someone they toss a net and after that the poor sod has welts and is scratching for hours.”

Mosquitoes netting humans and over-running the community has gathered a small band of protesters.

“Someone had to organise an anti-mosquito rally.”

Hmm, anti-mosquito, you know what? I blame predictive text for this joke, sorry.

“They’re the most dangerous animal on the planet, and what we doing about it?” said protest rally co-ordinator Maya Buttreeks.

“We’re trying to conserve more water, which is giving them a habitat to lay eggs in. It doesn’t make any sense.”

Okay, end of article.

All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

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