Hipsters March for Peace

By on March 24, 2016
Joshua "vapes" while strolling alleys of Melbourne

Bendigo CBD will be under fire yet again this coming weekend. Expecting thousands of beards, scarves, and what can only be described as “dad shoes”. No, it’s not another march for the much debated mosque. It has to do with the lack of cafes in the central business district of Bendigo.

Sources of the Bendigo Standard (whom have asked not to be named) have been disgusted with the minimal amount of soy lattes, almond milk mochas, and gluten free-vegan-halal approved dishes served by the local business owners.

Protest leader Rogan Joshua III, has been quoted saying, “36 licenced venues is not enough when you are in desperate need of rainforest blend coffee with a free range vegetarian eggs benedict, and we won’t stand for it.”

When approached by Standard reporters Joshua lashed out spraying bystanders with chestnut infused beard oil and stating that his father will sue for any defamation.

The “March For Peace” will begin at Rosalind Park and head toward Chancery Lane, visiting local Cafes and bars along the way. Visitors to Bendigo and residents have been asked to steer clear as the protestors may be affected by vaporisers, boutique beer and cider, and what can only be described as non-prescribed prescription glasses.

All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

About Chad Bramble

Chad has been around the world and back again. Reporting for countless mockumentaries and online journals. He is a Capricorn, likes pina coladas, and most importantly, getting caught in the rain!

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