Man Wears Green Bag As Hat

By on September 17, 2018

“They’re so versatile,” said Kevin Knumbnuts, 28 and a half, size 10 shoe, Long Gully.

The green bags for green waste recycling have been sent out around Bendigo.

“And they’re perfect for kids lunches, shoe booties when it’s muddy out, and gloves to shove sperm up the business end of a cow that aren’t going to take no bull,” said Mr Knumbnuts.

Of course the green bags were meant for a specific task.

“Australians are a pretty inventive lot, and if you give them a solution they’ll find the problem pretty lickety split,” said Mr Knumbnuts.

The range of uses the green waste bags have been put to is seemingly endless.

“I mean sure, 90% of Bendigonaians, or however that’s said, probably just threw them in with the normal garbage saying ‘What’s this shit’ but there’s a percentage of them, roughly 10%, who would use them for other things, like a hanky,” said Mr Knumbnuts.

Others might use them for their green waste.

“Or, a hat, they make a great hat in the wet, you can just hear the tin lids say, ‘Hey bring your green hat!’ and off they go outside for a play in the rain, so many good times,” said Mr Knumbnuts.

Green bags are for the green waste in the green waste bin.


All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

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