Mature Age Student Excited By Lozenge in Gift Bag

By on July 30, 2016
The pen will come in handy

In a chance encounter, a Bendigo Standard reporter and a mature age Bendigo La Trobe student met at a crucial moment.

‘What do you reckon this is?’ asked Stewart “Grandpa” Jones, 37, while holding a condom sized packet at head height.

The journalist declined knowledge.

‘Do you think it could be a lozenge?’

The journalist said he was unsure.

‘I’m not hopeful,’ said Mr Jones, licking his lips and beginning to tug at the indents.

‘I’ve already tired using the moist towelette, except the packet was missing the towel and it was just a small bag of sticky water.’

Mr Jones’ feeble old hands tugged some more.

‘It tasted okay though.’

Unable to read the label due to hyperopia, the grey bearded oldie, slumped in a bean bag in the Student Union because it’s good for his back, was relieved to find, ‘There’s something in here.’

He picked the something out.

‘Hmm,’ he put it in his mouth.

‘Rubbery,’ he took it out.

‘It’s either out-of-date or,’ with a tilt as if a piano accordion the middle expanded.

‘Or it’s a device to preserve bananas.’

The journalist said that was unlikely.

‘I could put a banana in there.’

The journalist discourage this.

‘It would seal a half eaten one.’

The journalist discourage this.

‘Salami storage?’

The journalist discourage this.

‘Well, its not a lozenge, let’s agree to that.’

The journalist agreed.

It wasn’t a lozenge.

All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

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