“More Twisted Than A Topknot” – Pho’lis

By on March 25, 2016
"We're coming Bendigo, like it or knot"

Bendigo cafe and bar owners are under fire with talks of another protest that may take over Easter celebrations this weekend.

As stated in a previous article, a very well known “hipster” is leading a pack of tote bag wielding bohemians to Bendigo in demand for more cafes in the central business district. With the increasing amount of clothing boutiques and alcoholic drinks in mason jars, there is no doubt why Bendigo is becoming the new hotspot for dilettante humans.

“This is getting out of hand” stated Sergeant Pho’lis in an interview. “There are talks of these ‘free spirits’ wanting to implement something called Sangria Law, this will not be the case but we still hope for a peaceful protest.”

After discussions with local officers, it was later declared that Sergeant Pho’lis was himself in fact, “a soy latte kinda guy”. He has also been witnessed in discussion with Rogan Joshua III (rally leader) enjoying an almond milk macchiato. Something that the Bendigo Standard believes, will not be tolerated by the general public.

After approaching Joshua, he announced it would be a “peaceful protest” and Bendigo locals “shouldn’t fear a better world with recycled clothing, vinyl [music] albums, and no big corporations running the show. This isn’t what we’re about, man.”

Well Mr. Joshua, only time will tell, man.

If you have any views or comments regarding the upcoming rally, please do so respectively.

 

All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

About Chad Bramble

Chad has been around the world and back again. Reporting for countless mockumentaries and online journals. He is a Capricorn, likes pina coladas, and most importantly, getting caught in the rain!

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