Private School Removes ‘School’. Offers New Classes

By on April 20, 2016

Parents are outraged this today after a unnamed private school principal from Bendigo banned the word “Schools” from schools, claiming he wanted to make schools “more acceptable to lower class families”.

“It’s not a school. It’s a Private Education Centre. No student wants to go to school. We also wanted to make our private education centre not so stuck up amongst low income earners. We believe this will help fight absenteeism” said Principal Deutschland (the 3rd).

“We are also re-instigating Vegemite Sandwiches and junk food in the tuck shop. We believe it’s a student’s right to decide if they want a healthy lunch or feed their face with Mars Bars and Red Bull” said Principal Deutschland (the 3rd).

Next year the school will be introducing be introducing a class for gifted students for those who believe they have mutant powers. Not only this but a Defense Against the Dark Arts class will be developed to cater to the over whelming number of red heads and adopted students from Long Gully who suffer bullying. “Finally a class that will cater to my needs” said 14 year old John Measley.

These classes will be held at the Bendigo Cathedral which has just been transformed into Bendigo’s own Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

Mr Deutschland (the 3rd) believes that none of this would be possible without the word School being removed from their Private School/Education Centre.

 

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