Secret Bendigo Council Meeting About Changing Australia Day

By on November 29, 2016
A crowd calls to Change The Date.

“Since the First Fleet hadn’t even heard of evolution yet, saying Australia Day is Invasion Day is pretty harsh,” said Councillor Amy Pond. “It’s about as fair as slapping an indecent exposure summons and criminal record on a two-year-old for going nudie rudie at the beach. They frankly didn’t know it was wrong.”

Of course calls to change the date of Australia Day celebrations persist.

“Thankfully over the past two-hundred-odd years we’ve followed the advice of Socrates and every three-year-old child, and kept asking ‘why?’. Thus, we now know January 26 for a knees-up is a date that doesn’t suit all Australians.”

“It’s a bit like changing your Christmas Day celebration to another day because a few rellies can’t make the date. Really, it’s no big issue as long as we’re all together.”

The only issue is which date to have.

“We thought about Eddie Mabo’s birthday, just because of the vibe, but decided some people would get shirty. We looked at combining it with the Queen’s Birthday holiday to get an extra-long weekend, but felt that was too Imperial.”

So after hours of negotiations an alternative solution was reached.

“Davo just got the freaking dartboard out, slapped a yearly planner over it, and chucked a tiny arrow at it with his eyes closed,” reported the Councillor. “It didn’t seem to matter which day he hit, it all seemed good.”

Yet there were exceptions.

“Of course, we don’t want to put up the bunting and pull out the BBQ during Winter,” said Councillor Pond.

Why?

“Well, if you want to celebrate living in a cold, wet and miserable country you can move to England. Frankly, bollocks to that. Let’s enjoy a sunny day, and have a day-off work to celebrate even just that fact.”

Seems good.

All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

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