Crisis As Hair Tie Found On Ground

By on November 6, 2018

“Someone’s getting nothing done today,” said the Bendigo Standard’s women’s matters expert, Simone Amohanga.

Apparently a hair elastic is the most invaluable part of a women’s attire.

“Her hair’s going to get in her face, and she won’t be able to exercise or use a computer,” said Ms Amohanga.

On closer inspection the disaster gets worse.

Local tracker Jim Hallawell said, “Yep, I’d be saying it’s been there two, maybe three days, and the hair, now, it would be wild and really getting in somebody’s teeth and dangling in front of their eyes, so if they had their hands busy, they’d have to blow at it from their face with their own mouth like tooting a little horn, or maybe they’d be using a pencil to keep it back, or maybe even, I heard once, someone used glue and stuck their hair back on their scalp.”

Mr Hallawell is hopeful of finding the owner.

“I aren’t letting nobody down. Not on my watch,”said Mr Hallawell.

While the Bendigo Standard assumes the article belongs to a women, it is possible that a long haired gentleman has lost their elastic.

“It could be some guy with a pony tale, but I can’t think of someone who has one,” said Ms Amohanga.

“Will Murphy,” said Bendigo Standard reporter Luke Morris.

“Yeah,” said Ms Amohanga.

Though the Bendigo Standard can report Will Murphy isn’t missing a hair tie, so it’s not him.

“I’ll keep looking,” said Mr Hallawell.

Until then, while messy and unproductive, it is possible a woman in Bendigo is looking good.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

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