Melbourne Has Trams Now Too

By on October 23, 2018

“Bloody hell,” ejaculated Dominic West, 97, Jackass Flat.

Mr West was recently in Melbourne on a fact finding mission.

“My wife, you see, Myrtle, she has this knee, you know, gosh it has given her strife since Nathan was, oh, well, knee-high to a grasshopper, you wouldn’t believe it, heh, heh, heh, look at the size of him now, what a lad, he ate all his spinach, I tell you, he’s now in aeroplanes or something, goes away for months at a time, has hearings, then comes back, has all these tattoos of his travels, he says, some of them Chinese, or Japanese, or something, Myrtle does not like the ones on his neck, what are you to do, anyway she’s got this knee and I wanted to see if there was anything in the city because they didn’t have anything in Kangaroo Flat,” said Mr West.

The tram system in Melbourne is a rival to Bendigo’s in only one way.

“They are very low,” said Mr West. “If you have bad knees like Myrtle they are good to get on.”

Other than that.

“They go everywhere! Once you get on one you could wind-up anywhere, it’s a nightmare, and they look horrible, like someone took a dump on a glitter gun and fired it out a tube, and there’s no conductors. How the hell you do pay for anything?”

So until Melbourne lifts its act and improves its tram system, Bendigo will continue to have better trams.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

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