Tree Change People Mostly Worried About Zombies

By on October 3, 2018

The last few months has seen an influx of Melburnians moving to Bendigo for fresh air, new starts and less zombies.

“Why would anyone want to live in Melbourne? When the apocalypse comes that’s where most of the zombies will be,” said Margaret Wertheim, 47, Kangaroo Flat former South Yarra.

Yes if the world gets struck-down tomorrow by a nuclear holocaust or some kind of living plague that turns humans into faux-humans, according to population size there’s going to be a lot more zombies in Melbourne.

“And with all the farms around here one would expect guns, and we can use those guns to shoot zombies when they come rushing to our door, or staggering, or crawling, perhaps they’ll have wise zombies that will drive cars, or worse, fly plans, golly imagine the sight of the undead flying jet fighters,” said Miss Wertheim.

It might be some months off, but a global apocalypse caused by wheat prices is a real fear in the community.

“Zombies could come here searching for brains… and… well… no… Girton?… no… not Ballarat, they won’t go there… they might go to Beechworth. They are a cluey lot up there. Anywhere that can plant a bakery into another town without anyone noticing that the name is a completely different place must have something going for it. Then the zombies will head for, I don’t know, not Canberra… New Zealand? Anyway the point is Bendigo is pretty safe from a zombie apocalypse,” said Miss Wertheim.

Have you got a fallout shelter built for when wheat prices nose dive?

Contact the Bendigo Standard and we’d love to visit (aka ask for a loan).

All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

Leave a Reply and win at life

%d bloggers like this: