Actual Halloween Goes Past Unnoticed

By on June 1, 2016
While pumpkins are in season, nothing would be more Australian than using a beetroot to carve a scary, firelit face.

A Celtic celebration to mark the arrival of winter has passed largely unnoticed through Australia and other Southern Hemisphere countries.

“Oops,” said one primary school teacher after 31 May went unobserved. “We freaking missed that chance for a few cut and paste activities.”

Originally a means to scare away evil spirits that take lives in the cold and dark winter months, Halloween morphed a century ago as an excuse for Americans to door knock new arrivals and get food off them.

“Why didn’t Channel Ten put on those less funny Simpson’s episodes about Kang and Kodos,” explained a university student. “That’s a piss-up opportunity wasted!”

Australian supermarkets have often struggled to get a lot of movement on cardboard cut outs of witches and cobwebs, yet it is the farmers who feel the hardest hit by the June 1 eve oversight.

“Right now we want to sell faded pumpkins, yet come October suddenly there’s advertising and demand for something we don’t have,” complained a veggie grower.

Despite having missed the historical accuracy of Halloween, some don’t seem to mind celebrating the feast out of season and on the Christian absorbed October 31 date – prior to All Saints’ Day.

“There’s no better time to dress as a ghoul and wear dark clothing than at the start of spring,” stated one observer of Northern Hemisphere dates and practices. “It’s as traditional as cooking a roast turkey and stamping through fake snow on a 30+ degree Christmas day.”

Next on the Celtic calender will be the Winter Solstice on June 20, or for those Northern Hemisphere minded it will be on December 21.

All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

Leave a Reply and win at life

%d bloggers like this: