The Real Jar Jar

By on March 25, 2016
Jar Jar - Creative Genius or complete moron?

George Lucas revealed the details of Star Wars 8 today.

Called “Revenge of the Ewoks” George Lucas went into details how the movie is 10 years after The Force Awakens.

The Bendigo Standard can reveal exclusively that Han Solo’s ghost and Princess Leia are in a retirement village on the planet Tatooine and have started a breeding program for Ewoks at the Tatooine zoo. They Genetically modify them to be super Ewoks that eventually turn to the dark side. The heroes of the day turn out to be the Gungans.

George explains that the reason he brought the Gungans back was to explain the reason they were missing in the last 3 Episodes. He said “Jar Jar approached me and asked if he could be in the latest Star Wars movie and if he couldn’t he was going to leak some sensitive details about me. I told him he needs to speak to Mickey Mouse”.

The Bendigo Standard was eager to get their hands on these sensitive details and found out that Jar Jar Binks actually wrote the Star Wars movies for Mr Lucas and paid Jar Jar money for the ideas. Jar Jar is very excited “Mesa very happy now” and was close to a battle in court for right to the creative ideas.

So who is George Lucas? A creative genius or an attention hog? And who is Jar Jar binks? An annoying primadana or a creative genius? So what did Jar Jar do with all that money?

The Bendigo Standard has can reveal tht all the money made for the movies, merchandise, computer games, confectionary has gone to support his $500 a day drug addiction and $600 gambling addiction. The Jar Jar that everybody loves on screen is not the Jar Jar in real life. Jar Jar said that he was hoping a cameo in his own movie would revive his old singing career from the 70’s. “Me-sa started going down hill when Me-sa was working-sa with Elvis at Las Vegas-sa and when me-sa heard He-sa died, me-sa life went down the crapper-sa so me-sa started drinking and smoking. Me-sa became bigger than Elvis-sa and Las Vegas-sa offered me more money to stay.”

What does the future hold for Jar Jar?
Jar Jar was recently offered to replace Simon Cowell in American Idol, as well as that he has been recruited to play in the NBA, and thanks to Calvin Klein he has his own line of personalised smells coming out called “Jar’e by Jar Jar” where you can smell like Jar Jar.

So who said the world can’t be a brighter place without Jar Jar?

One Comment

  1. Greg

    March 25, 2016 at 5:15 PM

    Can’t wait for Episode 8. Jar Jar’s my favourite

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