Top Twelve Reasons Donald Trump Winning Is A Good Thing

By on November 10, 2016
An ostracised ostrich

The White House Will Get A Sun Bed

To keep the orange tan looking crusty a sun room is going to get installed in the White House. That will increase its resale value.

Less Trump TV shows

If you don’t like watching Trump on TV, well, he’ll be in newspapers and on the radio much more. This will dilute the amount he seems to be on telly.

Mad Max could come true

Many agree that World War 3 is now more likely, and Mad Max was set in Australia. That’s cool right?

Australia and Britain look less stupid

Pauline Hanson and Brexit. Nuff said.

It Proves the George Bushes Weren’t That Bad

They voted “None of the above”. They’re good guys.

A Giant Wall

Brick-mongers and cement truck owners will be licking their lips, and if anyone wants to break into America they’ll have to learn explosives. That’s good surely.

Claims the under educated voted for Trump not likely to change in 4 years

Trump’s not going to help education. He’s got to dismantle health care and organise building permits first. It’s going to be an eight year reign.

Women Really Are Second Class Citizens

Some say the election was turned by white, male voters, and therefore women really are useless objects, just as Trump promotes, and the same goes for ethnics. Good to have that cleared up isn’t it?

Suicide Rates to Increase

When sexist, racist, homophobic, narcissistic, egomaniac bullies win by shouting with confidence, well, this will increase suicide rates among the ostracised compassionate. Bullies win, so anything that increases death amongst non-bullies is just evolution.

Nothing will happen anyway

Trump’s policies are so illegal and he has so many personal legal disputes that only lawyers are going to get rich.

Kanye West in 2020

This is not only more likely, it’s preferable.

“It’s all pipes!”

Like what George Costanza said, it’s all going down the drain anyway, “what’s the difference?”.

Plus: It proves the occupy movement was right

All those hippy, greeny, tree hugging, queer folk who occupied public space as a visual protest against establish political and financial power have been vindicated by the voting in of an establish financial power by people who want to shake up the establish political power but who were too afraid to sit with the smelly hemp smokers in a park. It’s sort of like how the French protest everyday they disagree with their government, but only by doing it once every four years in a small box by marking a sheet of paper.

All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

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