All posts tagged "Bendigo"

  • Bendigo Sads ‘n’ Orgies Festival Considers Name Change

    Every year Malcolm McLaren mopes around town with a pile of posters. “It’s a lonely job but at the end of the festival it really feels worth it.” Mr McLaren’s efforts sees unhappy people cluster for a...

    • Posted November 4, 2016
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  • Golden Square Mosquitoes Use Anti-Mosquito Candle As Night Torch

    “Sometimes you hear a chainsaw buzzing, but you can’t be sure it’s a chainsaw making that sound,” said Genevieve Morley, 32, of Golden Square, when describing the local mosquitoes. “They sit on street corners with their skateboards,...

    • Posted October 25, 2016
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  • Quarry hill Man Ineexplicably Popular On Tinder

    “Wowsers! I never knew so many women find me attractive,” said Garth Brookes, 38, from Quarry Hill. Having used online dating application Tinder fo a week, Mr Brooks is surprised at his success. “I’ve been matched with...

    • Posted October 24, 2016
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  • How This Could Be Bendigo’s Brexit Will Scare You

    It has recently come to my attention that Bendigo has an international reputation. It’s not for gold mines, or a shit-long dragon. Nor for the giant Buddhist Stupa or the massive Christian Cathedral. It’s not even for...

    • Posted October 21, 2016
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  • Man Tries To Justify Looking At Dresses

    The Maticevski exhibition in Bendigo stirred the interest of local David “Davo” Smith. “Bloody interesting, I mean, nothing weird about it, I mean, it’s okay, strewth.” Davo, 24, of Cal. Gully, went to the fashion exhibition alone....

    • Posted October 13, 2016
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  • Americans to Lose Right to Bear Arms

    In a shake-up to the American election, one candidate is to end American’s right to bear arms. “It’s long overdue,” said a campaign insider. “Arm ownership in this country has gotten out of hand, so to speak.”...

    • Posted October 12, 2016
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  • Castlemaine Freedom of Speech Festival to Screen Controversial Documentary ‘The Nazi’s Were Right’

    The removal of anti-vaccination film, Vaxxed, from the Castlemaine Film Festival line-up has seen the emergence of the Castlemaine Freedom of Speech Festival. “We just love freedom of speech and believe all voices need to be heard,...

    • Posted September 27, 2016
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  • Father’s Day Annoys Adopted Child of Gay Couple

    “What the frig,” says Benjamin Law. “I got to get two Black & Decker orbital saws now!” Born in a ditch and adopted by Herbert and Steve Law – who are not brothers, one of them changed...

    • Posted September 2, 2016
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  • Woman Dissuades Couple From Buying a Chicken in Golden Square

    “Oh, that is cheap,” says a man in Golden Square supermarket. The price reduced from $13.00 to $2.80. “It’s be here all day,” says a women with a price discount gun. “Look here Dear,” the man draws...

    • Posted September 1, 2016
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  • Queen Victoria to Come Out of the Shadows

    A 113 year old statue of Queen Victoria is now Bendigo’s preeminent lady in a garden. But changes are afoot. “We’re looking to elevate her to icon status, as was befitting Marilyn,” says Bendigo Council marketing guru...

    • Posted August 28, 2016
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