All posts tagged "Bendigo"

  • Golden Square Man Looks For Positives in Girlfriend Moving In With Him

    “There’ll be sex on tap I suppose,” reasoned Mr Kydin Yeast, 27, Golden Square, as his girlfriend, Ms Aimlee Williams, 26, plans to move in with him. “She could also help with washing the dishes and doing...

    • Posted June 6, 2016
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  • Milk Prices Set to Soar: Industry Insider Says

    Milk availability has been questioned in recent weeks. However the Bendigo Standard has come across a supplier who says that availability is not an issue. “Milk? I can get you milk -sniff-. What kind of milk do...

    • Posted June 3, 2016
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  • Bendigo to Become Next Hub for Australian Space Exploration

    “Why not?” said project manager Major Coats. “It’s as good as anywhere else. Maybe not better than Adelaide, or, ah,” he pauses to think, “Narr, actually Bendigo’s slightly better than Adelaide I reckon.” The $1.3b project is...

    • Posted May 30, 2016
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  • Beards of Bendigo

    World renowned rock band The Beards are playing Bendigo on their farewell tour. In recognition of this honour, and in honour of beards in general, the Bendigo Standard has complied this list of great beards in Bendigo....

    • Posted May 26, 2016
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  • Udder disgrace.
    Supermarket’s New Milk Pricing Policy Sent to Encourage Consumers to Shoot the Baby Themselves

    A leading supermarket chain is aiming to win praise for fixing a problem it helped create. In a shallow attempt at positive PR, the supermarket – which can’t be named because they’d love the free advertising –...

    • Posted May 25, 2016
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  • Spelling errors aside this "meme" is still terrible.
    Artist Profile: Dave Dobbins – Meme Maker

    “It all started one afternoon,” recalls artist Dave Dobbins from his creative bungalow/home in California Gully. “I saw this science demonstration and they used liquid nitrogen, so I took a picture of the canister and added the...

    • Posted May 22, 2016
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  • Young Indian Children Found Working in Bendigo Mine

    Astounding scenes this week as children were seen fleeing a Bendigo mine where they had been forced to work. “It’s incomprehensible,” said Dr Henry Jones Jr, a Professor of Archaeology at Marshall College, USA. “How they managed...

    • Posted May 21, 2016
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  • New Artisan Restaurant to Open in Bendigo

    In recent years the Bendigo foodie scene has exploded onto the taste buds of locals and tourists alike. Set to join the list of French, Greek, Malay, and Mexican influenced restaurants will be Penguin Palace, which has...

    • Posted May 11, 2016
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  • Bendigo Winemakers Festival Aims to Avoid Beer Wankers

    “We’ll be having none of this North American hops, IXPAL, Summertime Draught Ale, filtered through a watermelon crap,” says Winemaker Festival organiser Sir Reginald Reginald Reginald IV OM. “It’s red and white wine we got. That’s it!”...

    • Posted May 5, 2016
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  • Big Green Thing Goes Missing.

    The Bendigo Standard can’t make this shit up. Indeed, we can’t report the story better than the Bendigo Advertiser. Their official report quotes Sergeant Hunt saying that it would be heavy to lift and probably need a...

    • Posted May 1, 2016
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