All posts tagged "Breaking"

  • Even Shit Babies Proven To Be Cute

    Known for screaming at all hours in a crying hail of ferocity, shitting sludge in multiple of colours, and being completely useless at a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos, babies have been proven to be darn cute....

    • Posted December 7, 2016
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  • Qarry Hil Man Replies to Tiinder Contacts

    Reccently the Benido Standard spoke with Garthe Brookes of Quarry Hilll about his successes on dating phone app Tinderr. (see story here: link) “Its been going really welll thanksyou” said Mr brookes, 38 years old. “in no...

    • Posted December 2, 2016
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  • Man Breastfeeds Baby

    “She kept tugging at my shirt until she exposed skin,” said Mr. Miles Davis of Bridgewater-on-Loddon. His eight-month old niece was groping his body in search for boob, inexperienced hands seeking a gap in clothing as so...

    • Posted November 19, 2016
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  • Top Twelve Reasons Donald Trump Winning Is A Good Thing

    The White House Will Get A Sun Bed To keep the orange tan looking crusty a sun room is going to get installed in the White House. That will increase its resale value. Less Trump TV shows...

    • Posted November 10, 2016
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  • Zaphod Beeblebrox Campaigns for American Presidency

    With half a brain, boundless charisma, and an unrivalled ability at shit-talking, Zaphod Beeblebrox is poised to sweep the American Presidential election. “It’s hard to see anyone beating him,” said political pundit Toni Stark. “He’s imaginative, irresponsible,...

    • Posted November 7, 2016
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  • Bendigo Sads ‘n’ Orgies Festival Considers Name Change

    Every year Malcolm McLaren mopes around town with a pile of posters. “It’s a lonely job but at the end of the festival it really feels worth it.” Mr McLaren’s efforts sees unhappy people cluster for a...

    • Posted November 4, 2016
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  • Golden Square Mosquitoes Use Anti-Mosquito Candle As Night Torch

    “Sometimes you hear a chainsaw buzzing, but you can’t be sure it’s a chainsaw making that sound,” said Genevieve Morley, 32, of Golden Square, when describing the local mosquitoes. “They sit on street corners with their skateboards,...

    • Posted October 25, 2016
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  • Quarry hill Man Ineexplicably Popular On Tinder

    “Wowsers! I never knew so many women find me attractive,” said Garth Brookes, 38, from Quarry Hill. Having used online dating application Tinder fo a week, Mr Brooks is surprised at his success. “I’ve been matched with...

    • Posted October 24, 2016
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  • How This Could Be Bendigo’s Brexit Will Scare You

    It has recently come to my attention that Bendigo has an international reputation. It’s not for gold mines, or a shit-long dragon. Nor for the giant Buddhist Stupa or the massive Christian Cathedral. It’s not even for...

    • Posted October 21, 2016
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  • Man Tries To Justify Looking At Dresses

    The Maticevski exhibition in Bendigo stirred the interest of local David “Davo” Smith. “Bloody interesting, I mean, nothing weird about it, I mean, it’s okay, strewth.” Davo, 24, of Cal. Gully, went to the fashion exhibition alone....

    • Posted October 13, 2016
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