All posts tagged "Breaking"

  • Americans to Lose Right to Bear Arms

    In a shake-up to the American election, one candidate is to end American’s right to bear arms. “It’s long overdue,” said a campaign insider. “Arm ownership in this country has gotten out of hand, so to speak.”...

    • Posted October 12, 2016
    • 0
  • Man Tells Yo Mamma Jokes For No Apparent Reason

    “Yo mamma is so fat,” said Charles de Gaulle. “That when she gets in a car it looks like the air bags have gone off.” Mr. de Gaulle was overheard mumbling one liners about the weight issues...

    • Posted October 10, 2016
    • 0
  • Man Hugs Another Man, Anti-Marriage Equality Activists Don’t Complain

    “Seems perfectly alright,” said Mr. Loony Bin, head of The People For No Bum Sex In My Backyard Alliance. After hours of standing with grown men, slapping each other on the back and cheering themselves horse, while...

    • Posted October 2, 2016
    • 1
  • Castlemaine Freedom of Speech Festival to Screen Controversial Documentary ‘The Nazi’s Were Right’

    The removal of anti-vaccination film, Vaxxed, from the Castlemaine Film Festival line-up has seen the emergence of the Castlemaine Freedom of Speech Festival. “We just love freedom of speech and believe all voices need to be heard,...

    • Posted September 27, 2016
    • 0
  • Father’s Day Annoys Adopted Child of Gay Couple

    “What the frig,” says Benjamin Law. “I got to get two Black & Decker orbital saws now!” Born in a ditch and adopted by Herbert and Steve Law – who are not brothers, one of them changed...

    • Posted September 2, 2016
    • 0
  • Woman Dissuades Couple From Buying a Chicken in Golden Square

    “Oh, that is cheap,” says a man in Golden Square supermarket. The price reduced from $13.00 to $2.80. “It’s be here all day,” says a women with a price discount gun. “Look here Dear,” the man draws...

    • Posted September 1, 2016
    • 0
  • Queen Victoria to Come Out of the Shadows

    A 113 year old statue of Queen Victoria is now Bendigo’s preeminent lady in a garden. But changes are afoot. “We’re looking to elevate her to icon status, as was befitting Marilyn,” says Bendigo Council marketing guru...

    • Posted August 28, 2016
    • 0
  • Local Alcoholics Feel Ignored by Bendigo Beer Festival

    “Where are the Doublebolster beers from Hubbabaloo, and the range of Mumblepressure Extra Pressed Frog Leg Infused Session beers?” asks Maxx Rumble of Quarry Hill, chalkboard writer at the Goldmines Hotel. Despite being a success every year,...

    • Posted August 19, 2016
    • 0
  • Ether Theorists Celebrate Science Week

    It is National Science Week, and in keeping with the accuracy of the 9 day celebration, the Bendigo Standard is helping to promote the theory of ether. “If it’s good enough for Newton, it’s good for me,”...

    • Posted August 17, 2016
    • 0
  • Dog Dresses as Cat for a Birthday

    “We thought something was a bit fishy,” said party attendee Selma Bouvier, 43, from Long Gully. An orange cat, or is it ginger, or tabby? (Not really my area. Ed.) named Birney – the Bendigo Health spelling...

    • Posted August 14, 2016
    • 0