All posts tagged "Breaking"

  • Struggle To Sell Creepy Bookends

    Tanya and Matt Richardson of Strathdale have been struggling to sell a pair of vintage bookends. Mr Richardson says, “They’re valuable and unique so I don’t know why we’re not getting any takers. I’ve had them on...

    • Posted November 8, 2018
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  • Crisis As Hair Tie Found On Ground

    “Someone’s getting nothing done today,” said the Bendigo Standard’s women’s matters expert, Simone Amohanga. Apparently a hair elastic is the most invaluable part of a women’s attire. “Her hair’s going to get in her face, and she...

    • Posted November 6, 2018
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  • Advertising Over Estimates How Much People Care About Ink

    “Looking at the sign you’d think she just got a blowjob,” said Granny Mae, 87, from Golden Square. The woman on the Cartridge World sign looks like Macaulay Culkin from the Home Alone poster, except with a...

    • Posted November 5, 2018
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  • Your Horoscope – Week Of November 5, 2018

    Here are your Horoscopes for this week. ♏ Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21 There’s nothing good on tonight. • People like you make me sick. • Baked goods are in abundance. • Aaaaah! There’s a bug on...

    • Posted November 5, 2018
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  • Bendigo Oh-God-Why-Am-I-Doing-This Run Takes Place

    Bendigo’s annual Oh-God-Why-Am-I-Doing-This Run has taken place, with many participants wheezing and staggering their way through the course. “Puff, puff, puff, bloody View St, puff, puff, puff, bullshit,” said one optimistic and woefully unfit Bendigo resident. The...

    • Posted November 4, 2018
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  • Ancient Well Re-Opening Overshadowed By New Wellbeing Centre

    With the grand opening of the Gurri Wanyarra Wellbeing Centre this weekend past, it would be easy to overlook a similarly momentous occasion in our rich history; the grand re-opening of Bendigo’s ancient well. The ancient well...

    • Posted November 3, 2018
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  • Locals Baffled By Climate Talk

    Despite data proving otherwise, a number of Bendigo residents have written to The Bendigo Standard in protest of what they call the Climate Change Hoax.” Apparently soaring temperatures and lack of rain are lost on them, with...

    • Posted November 2, 2018
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  • Parents Told They Are Adopted

    A local teenager today broke the bad news and told her parents they were adopted. 13 year old Sarah Jack from Maiden Gully sat her parents down to break the awful news to them. “I didn’t grow...

    • Posted November 2, 2018
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  • Local Sign Misunderstands the Meaning of the Word Hour

    Spotted in Bendigo North, outside of the Cambrian Hotel, a sign was seen proclaiming Happy Hour between 3 and 6pm. “Time is not a constant,” said local barman James Barnicsh, “As Einstein’s Theory of Relativity explains, time...

    • Posted November 2, 2018
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  • Local man Baffled by Point of Signs along Roadside.

    Many Bendigo residents may have been living near them and not even noticed their presence. Rectangular pieces of metal atop long poles on the sides of roads. Their purpose seeming to remain unknown by all. A local...

    • Posted November 1, 2018
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