Bendigo to Become Next Hub for Australian Space Exploration

By on May 30, 2016
One day a Bendigo rocket could be bursting though clouds - if Earthlings don't use up all the fossil fuels first.

“Why not?” said project manager Major Coats. “It’s as good as anywhere else. Maybe not better than Adelaide, or, ah,” he pauses to think, “Narr, actually Bendigo’s slightly better than Adelaide I reckon.”

The $1.3b project is planned for the Golden Square area, with a bit to overlap onto Long Gully and some spread to Ironbark, with other parts to be strewn across Bendigo at large if anything goes really wrong.

“Why should anything go wrong?” Asked Major Coats unprovoked. “Look, I mean, sure, whatever, we don’t research like we used to, what with funding cuts and all that. Nowadays it’s all about announce this and rebrand that for marketing. We don’t actually test ideas these days you know.”

Political official Margaret Stooge stepped in to say, “The real focus of this announcement is that there will be hundreds of jobs created.”

“Mostly in China,” advised Major Coats.

“And here,” said Ms Stooge.

“Not really,” Coats.

“Yah haa,” Stooge.

“Narr haa,” Coats.

The announcement comes as both of the main three, or four if you count the Greens (but no-one really counts the Greens except Melbournians), political parties make promises in a shot gun approach to see what will work.

“It could be good for Bendigo,” said Major Coats. “Or it could be a pointless waste of infrastructure far removed from the general population and lacking in relevance. Much like Epsom.”

“You mean Epsom sport grounds,” Stooge.

“Those too,” Coats.

With the rebuilt sports stadium no longer needed for Eurovision in 2017 this could be the injection the Bendigo community needs.

All items on this website are fictitious. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof.

About Luke Morris

After writing skits, columns and stories for a university magazine, Luke was a copywriter and web content manager in the wine industry. Since then he has written documentary and comedy treatments for television and cinema, as well as education, short story and humour blogs, short stage plays, humour articles, and novels. His work has been used by LeftLion, Fairfax, Play6, The Curio, Vinified, and various other blogs and businesses. He has appeared at stand-up shows in Australia, England and Iceland, and is active with Bendigo Comedy.

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