New Windows 10 Update Offers Hitman Service

By on December 20, 2016
Actual screenshot

“Usually I say, ‘Bloody Microsoft,’ but this update could be really useful,” said Craig McLachlan, 37, Kangaroo Flat.

While most people agree that if they wanted their computer to be updated they’d just buy a new computer, the new Microsoft Windows update has a special and very appealing feature.

“It says it can ‘Add, edit or remove other people,’” explained Mr McLachlan. “At first I was like, awesome, I’m going to add that Scarlett Johansson chick. I’d like to click on her inbox. Hehehehe.”

Smut aside, Mr McLachlan’s priorities soon took a sharp turn.

“Then I though, narr, I’ve been jerked up the wall lately, I’m going to remove Gary. He’s a total dicknob.”

Yes, Gary is a dicknob, who doesn’t pay for his round at the pub and is constantly late to training, that’s despite not even having a job, what’s his excuse, where has he got to be all the time, he’s not filling out his centrelink form that’s for sure, he’s probably off somewhere selling, you know what I mean.

Then Mr McLachlan had another idea, “But I thought, Gary’s got a kid, you can’t off a guy with a kid, I mean, the mum’s no good, she’d just sell the lad for a packet of filters, what hope has the kid got with her, so I might just edit Gary from a dicknob to an alright bloke, not a champ, that would use too much data, but an alright bloke, that’ll be doable.”

Yes, the new update appears set to make the world a slightly better place.

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