Sunday, September 22, 2019

National News

Tanya and Matt Richardson of Strathdale have been struggling to sell a pair of vintage bookends. Mr Richardson says, “They’re valuable and unique so I don’t know why we’re not getting any takers. I've had them on Gumtree for weeks. Nana always kept them sealed...

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“Someone’s getting nothing done today,” said the Bendigo Standard’s women’s matters expert, Simone Amohanga. Apparently a hair elastic is the most invaluable part of a women’s attire. “Her hair’s going to get in her face, and she won’t be able to exercise or use a...

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“Bloody hell,” ejaculated Dominic West, 97, Jackass Flat. Mr West was recently in Melbourne on a fact finding mission. “My wife, you see, Myrtle, she has this knee, you know, gosh it has given her strife since Nathan was, oh, well, knee-high to a grasshopper,...

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Extra self-service checkouts have been installed in Golden Square, and the locals couldn't be happier. "Volunteering is a great thing, and there's no better business to support," said one local. Yes, slavery, or unpaid work, used to be a dirty word. "But if it's volunteering...

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"Yeah, it's like doing a tax return or drinking skim milk. "I just can't adjust," said Kevin Nolan, 68, Sailors Gully. Mr Nolan doesn't even like that they changed the bus route. "It's not just a street away. "They changed the numbers!" he said. What...

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Quick. It's like finding out those women in the creek bed in Kangaroo Flat had stuffed nuggets of gold in their under garments. Pack the bags. Sell the farm. Head north good friend for riches. Barb's Mixed Business in Epsom has a few can of...

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