Thursday, June 27, 2019

World News

With half a brain, boundless charisma, and an unrivalled ability at shit-talking, Zaphod Beeblebrox is poised to sweep the American Presidential election. “It's hard to see anyone beating him,” said political pundit Toni Stark. “He's imaginative, irresponsible, untrustworthy, extrovert, nothing you couldn't have guessed,” said...

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In a shake-up to the American election, one candidate is to end American's right to bear arms. “It's long overdue,” said a campaign insider. “Arm ownership in this country has gotten out of hand, so to speak.” Gorilla arms, sloth arms and human arms have...

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“We thought something was a bit fishy,” said party attendee Selma Bouvier, 43, from Long Gully. An orange cat, or is it ginger, or tabby? (Not really my area. Ed.) named Birney – the Bendigo Health spelling of Bernie, was given a birthday party this...

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A Celtic celebration to mark the arrival of winter has passed largely unnoticed through Australia and other Southern Hemisphere countries. “Oops,” said one primary school teacher after 31 May went unobserved. “We freaking missed that chance for a few cut and paste activities.” Originally a...

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Jar Jar - Creative Genius or complete moron?

George Lucas revealed the details of Star Wars 8 today. Called "Revenge of the Ewoks" George Lucas went into details how the movie is 10 years after The Force Awakens. The Bendigo Standard can reveal exclusively that Han Solo's ghost and Princess Leia are in...

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The notorious Bird Flu has taken another victim. Shocked and shaken are only a few of the words that can only be used to describe the death of that lovable bird from the popular kids program Sesame Street Big Bird. The death of Big Bird...

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