A local café has introduced a controversial new surcharge aimed at curbing what staff describe as “linguistic wankery” from customers ordering pastries with excessive flair.
Froth & Crumb, announced this week it will now charge an additional $1.50 if customers pronounce croissant with a “needlessly French” accent.
“I think it’s fair,” said regular customer Dazza McKinnon. “Last week this bloke in a cravat asked for a ‘cwah-sohn’ with ‘just a whisper of almond milk’ and the barista walked out mid-shift.”
Others, however, have taken umbrage. “It’s cultural oppression,” claimed Meghanne Detour-Defrance, a self-identified Francophile who moved to Bendigo from Brunswick. “What next? Charging extra for saying ‘merlot’ properly? Where does the madness end?”
The café has reportedly seen an uptick in business from tradies, real estate agents, and people who still call bruschetta “bruh-shetta” with pride.
“We’re just trying to protect our staff,” said barista Kelsey, who recently suffered a minor eye-roll injury after a customer whispered pain au chocolat with the erotic intensity of a Eurovision contestant.
Next week, Froth & Crumb plans to roll out a similar policy targeting people who order matcha lattes “for the vibes” and anyone who refers to banana bread as “banana loaf.”
