Epsom Finally Gets a KFC

Residents in Bendigo’s top end have celebrated this week after ground was broken on the new Epsom KFC.

“We are getting spoilt for choice,” Epsonite Irma Gosh told The Bendigo Standard. “First, there was a skate park, then Walker’s Doughnuts and now a KFC. Is the council trying to win votes for the next election or something?”

The restaurant will be built on the corner of Midland Highway and Howard Street.

“I don’t care. It’s on a dangerous intersection and 200 metres from a school; I want some dirty bird,” Huntly’s Colin Carsgobroom said.

White Hillsian Kathryn Franknbeans said, “If someone told me ten years ago that Epsom would be home to Walker’s Doughnuts AND a KFC, I’d tell her she’s lying and needed help.”

“Miracles do happen,” says a local congregant at Epsom Community Church. “If KFC was around during Bible times, I’m pretty sure Jesus’ last supper would have been a Giant Feast, and I’m fairly certain Judas wouldn’t have got any dipping sauces.”

This writer is thankful to our council overlords for approving the required permits.

The restaurant is due to open sometime in 2032.

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