Turn your sandwich press on. You’ll thank me later.
Get out two slices of bread and put them on a plate. Butter the top surface of each slice with softened butter or margarine (it doesn’t matter which. They’re the same thing).
Flip the slices over. You can butter the other sides but we don’t. Up to you. I’m not your boss.
Put a whole processed cheese slice onto one piece of bread (If you have trouble trying to get the plastic off then ask your partner).
Invert the cheese-less bread onto the cheese. Now both pieces of bread are butter-side-out and there is cheese in between them (Seriously, make sure they’re butter side out. I can’t make this clear. You’ll destroy your Breville).
Put the sandwich on the sandwich press (Are you sure you’ve got the butter on the outside? Seriously, it’s not our fault if you stuff this up).
Give it like 3 minutes or so. We can’t tell you how long it will take. It depends on how cooked you want it. I’m not your Mum. Don’t just leave it on there and go check your Facebook or you’ll burn the crap out of it.
Transfer sandwiches to a plate or cutting board and cut them in half (If you forgot to butter the outside then make sure to hint you want a new sandwich press for your birthday or Christmas).
Unless you want to burn your house down, turn the toaster maker off. You’ll thank me later.
Cut them in half. Or don’t. Don’t cut them into small squares or triangles. You are not a child.
If your kids ask ‘where’s mine?’ direct them to the sandwich press and these instructions.
If your partner asks ‘where’s mine?’ give them your toasted sandwich and make another one for yourself.