“The Herbivore’s Cleaver,” Bendigo’s first vegan butcher, is officially here. Adorned with faux meat cuts and vibrant vegetable displays, the establishment leaves residents scratching their heads.
“I walked in expecting to see a cow or two, maybe some pigs. But I don’t know what any of this is, and I’m scared,” remarked Barry Fooks, a longtime Bendigo resident and self-proclaimed meat enthusiast. “All I found were shelves stocked with something called ‘pulled jackfruit’ and ‘smoked seitan.’ It’s like a vegetarian’s conspiracy theory in here!”
The store’s owner, Janine Greene, expressed surprise at the community’s reaction. “We’re just trying to offer delicious, cruelty-free alternatives,” she explained, waving a tofu sausage in the air. “We don’t kill animals; we just creatively reinterpret them in plant form.”
Despite initial scepticism, some locals cautiously sampled the shop’s offerings. “I thought veganism was just a myth, like fairies or affordable housing in this town,” admitted Mavis O’Connor, a retired schoolteacher. “But these ‘meatless meatballs’ actually taste… green.”
Meanwhile, residents remain divided on whether vegetables can truly substitute for a good old-fashioned steak, preferably sourced from a recognisable animal.
