Your Horoscope – Week Of January 6, 2019

Here are your Horoscopes for this week.

♑ Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

Yep, it’s contagious. • Your tyres were just slashed. • All is not lost. But most of it is. • You’re not the only one depressed by your failures. • Your lucky number is -1 • Your lucky colour is poo brown

♒ Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Your parents wanted a boy. • Take that trip sooner rather than later. • You will become illiterate as soon as you finish this sentence. • What you see as a talent, others see as a sign of weakness. • Your lucky number is 7. • Your lucky colour is lightsaber blue.

♓ Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

Your misgivings are grounded in paranoia. • The termites in your skull are making more noise than ever this week. • Your lucky number is -6. • Your lucky colour is whatever wine you spilt on your shirt celebrating New Years Eve.

♈ Aries | March 21 to April 19

You will tell everyone you’re going to break their fingers if they touch the TV during the Kardashians • No matter how hard you try you cannot keep up with The Kardashians • Your lucky number is -13. • Your lucky colour is black like your heart.

♉ Taurus | April 20 to May 20

Leave it alone or it will fall off • Yes it was you. • You find out you’re allergic to leather and cows • Your lucky number is 0 • Your lucky colour is leather brown

♊ Gemini | May 21 to June 20

Your best friend just called you a loser. • You will be asked to dance by a stranger wearing a sandwich board. • Your lucky number is 99.5 • Your lucky colour is ranga orange

♋ Cancer | June 21 to July 22

You go on a trip when you fall up some stairs • Your elbow is itchy but can’t scratch it. • Your lucky number is 1 • Your lucky colour is blood orange

♌ Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

You love the Leo Sayer tickets you got for Christmas because you’re a Leo • Get that checked out • Your lucky number is 498654 • Your lucky colour is whatever is on that Christmas cracker crown.

♍ Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

You will get a new embarrassing nickname • You will discuss a matter of grave importance with someone you mistake for a coworker • Your lucky number is 498655 • Your lucky colour is booger green

♎ Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

There’s no time like the present, so have that unsightly growth removed. • Your paranoia is justified. • Go ahead and hide from the world. Not that the world will notice. • Your lucky number is -0 • Your lucky colour is white

♏ Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

You will binge watch all of The Kardashians. • Today will bring you great joy. Feel free to run naked down the street. • There’s a possum in a nearby tree thinking about crapping in your hair. • Your lucky number is -0.1 • Your lucky colour is what ever your kid says it is

♐ Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

Your aura is dim. Have it checked. • Buy a cat and name it Mel. It will get you out of a jam. • Your lucky number is 13 • Your lucky colour is fluorescent black