• Home
  • Our History
  • Patreon
  • Store
  • Contact
  • Random Story
Wednesday, July 6 2022
8 °c
Bendigo
9 ° Fri
10 ° Sat
13 ° Sun
15 ° Mon
18 ° Tue
19 ° Wed
The Bendigo Standard
  • News
  • Lifestyle
  • Entertainment
  • Food & Drink
  • Technology
  • Sport
  • Opinion
No Result
View All Result
  • News
  • Lifestyle
  • Entertainment
  • Food & Drink
  • Technology
  • Sport
  • Opinion
No Result
View All Result
The Bendigo Standard
No Result
View All Result

Your Horoscope – Week Of January 14, 2019

Resident Astrologer Nick McCar by Resident Astrologer Nick McCar
14 January 2019
in Horoscopes

Here are your Horoscopes for this week.

♑ Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

Your mother will try to call you 30 times but you won’t answer your phone once • It’s your birthday so opt for plastic surgery. Label the right part before you go under or they’ll have no clue where to start. • Your lucky colour is your couch colour • Your lucky number is:  Pick a number between 1 and 9… you’re right, it was that number.

♒ Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

A fart will follow you into the car, ruining your date. • Your gas problem is not going unnoticed. • Your lucky colour is white • Your lucky number is 1


♓ Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

Today will be full of hits, misses, and gun jams. • Have you changed your diet recently? It smells like it. • Your fun side comes out in obscene ways. • Your lucky colour is booger green • Your lucky number is -1

♈ Aries | March 21 to April 19

Your neighbour harbours a deep resentment. • Stop making so many weird noises at night. Your neighbour can hear you and can no longer make eye contact. • Your lucky colour cinnamon • Your lucky number is 0

♉ Taurus | April 20 to May 20

Chewing gum will save your life this week. • You’re no athlete. Stop kidding yourself. • Friendships and social circles will turn on you in the coming days. •  Your lucky colour is however long you like cooking your steak for •  Your lucky number is -7


♊ Gemini | May 21 to June 20

Nothing tastes as sweet as winning. Except for winning at the expense of others. Remember that. • Your baby is ugly but no one has the guts to tell you. You’re welcome • Your lucky colour is foxy boxer bronze • Your lucky number is Pie… also your favourite food, aren’t you lucky?


♋ Cancer | June 21 to July 22

The spider that bit you in your sleep was radioactive and you now have superpowers. Go try them out! • You have something in your teeth • Your lucky colour is Thanos purple  • Your lucky number is whatever the fuel price is.


♌ Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

Your life is a series of ups and downs. Like a toilet plunger. • The hardest part is ahead. Stay home and rest. • Good things come in ones. • Succeeding at sucking is not really success. • Your lucky colour is ranga red • Your lucky number is whatever the price of low fat, long life milk is these days.


♍ Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

 A kangaroo will play a pivotal role in your relationship this week. • You will suddenly understand both particle physics and empathy. • Venus is making itself felt in your pants today after you fart. • Your lucky colour is pomeranian orange. • Your lucky number is… wait, how many Avengers are left after in Infinity War? That’s your number, I can’t be bothered googling it.


♎ Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

Sell! • Someone will spit in your taco. • Something will slip out of your hand and break your foot tomorrow. • Your lucky colour is Qantas red • Your lucky number is 68.9


♏ Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

Nothing will make sense this week • You aren’t as attractive as your driver’s license indicates. • Hug your pharmacist. • All your furniture has moved one inch to the left. • Your lucky colour is computer mouse grey • Your lucky number is whatever colour socks your wearing. You figure it out.


♐ Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

You believe in Deja Vu. • Your aura is dim. Have it checked. • You need to spend some time thinking about your future. • A fart plays a pivotal role in your relationship. • You will buy some minors alcohol today. • You believe in Deja Vu • Your lucky number is whatever radio station you’re listening to • Your lucky colour is pitbull white • Your lucky number is whatever radio station you’re listening to • Your lucky colour is pitbull white
Share106Tweet39ShareShareSend

More From The Bendigo Standard

Your Horoscopes – Week Of July 19, 2021

Your Horoscopes – Week Of May 2, 2022

Your Horoscopes – Week Of July 19, 2021

Your Horoscopes – Week Of February 28, 2022

Your Horoscopes – Week Of July 19, 2021

Your Horoscopes – Week Of February 21, 2022

Your Horoscopes – Week Of July 19, 2021

Your Horoscopes – Week Of February 14, 2022

Your Horoscopes – Week Of July 19, 2021

Your Horoscopes – Week Of February 7, 2022

Your Horoscopes – Week Of July 19, 2021

Your Horoscopes – Week Of January 31, 2022

Load More
Please login to join discussion

Sign Up

News you can trust, delivered straight to your inbox.

Merch Store Merch Store Merch Store

This Just In

Local 5-Year-Old’s Drawing Of Mummy Farting Misses Out On Archibald Prize
Bendigo News

Local 5-Year-Old’s Drawing Of Mummy Farting Misses Out On Archibald Prize

Talking Tram Takes A Vow Of Silence
Bendigo News

Talking Tram Takes A Vow Of Silence

Let’s Make A Toasted Cheese Sandwich
Recipes

Let’s Make A Toasted Cheese Sandwich

Cat Sells Dog On Bendigo Buy Swap & Sell
Bendigo News

Cat Sells Dog On Bendigo Buy Swap & Sell

BREAKING! Keys Missing 3 Days Ago Found On Kitchen Bench
Law & Order

BREAKING! Keys Missing 3 Days Ago Found On Kitchen Bench

Bendigo Resident Mildred Hussy Turns 200
Bendigo News

Bendigo Resident Mildred Hussy Turns 200

Facebook Twitter Instagram

The Bendigo Standard

About Us

The Bendigo Standard is Bendigo's most popular free news service.

We pride ourselves in reporting the news that matters, doesn't matter and the news you didn't realise mattered until you read it.

Subscribe And Win At Life

Enter your email address to subscribe and receive notifications of new posts by email.

No Result
View All Result
  • News
  • Lifestyle
  • Entertainment
  • Food & Drink
  • Technology
  • Sport
  • Opinion

© 2022 The Bendigo Standard