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Your Horoscopes – Week Of October 21, 2019

Resident Astrologer Nick McCar by Resident Astrologer Nick McCar
21 October 2019
in Horoscopes

♎ Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

Your coworkers are planning your birthday party. But they have the wrong date. • Have you changed your diet recently? It smells like it

♏ Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

Give up on your dreams, everyone else has. • You will be asked to dance by a stranger wearing a sandwich board.

♐ Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

Your next shower will be interrupted by a large mildly poisonous insect. • You will find yourself nervous and gassy this evening.

♑ Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

Yeah, she was talking about you. • Things are about to get interesting, but not for you.

♒ Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

You will contract an illness that’s more irritating than dangerous. • Hide it, no one saw!


♓ Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

You will opt for plastic surgery this year. Label the right part before you go under or they’ll have no clue where to start. • Give up on your dream of being a master debater

♈ Aries | March 21 to April 19

Stop smoking. Or start. Whichever you’re not doing. • Your fun side comes out in obscene ways.

♉ Taurus | April 20 to May 20

Do something for yourself for once. Do it! What did I just say? • Eat in more and eat more when you eat.


♊ Gemini | May 21 to June 20

Your neighbour is reading your mail. • Tired of the constant accusations, you will buy a dog to take the heat for farting.


♋ Cancer | June 21 to July 22

Your boss is plotting against you. You have to stop him. Now! • Try a new deodorant.


♌ Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

Things are about to get interesting, but not for you. • Your keys are missing.


♍ Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

You will contract a previously unheard of strain of the flu. • Your exciting plans for the weekend bore the planets.

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