As the Australia Government ask people to stop wearing surgical grade face masks to help our hospital workers carry out duties in a safe environment, the Bendigo Standard invites fashionista Travis Dong-Gangle to lend advice on what’s next to wear for the breath hole covering ill-informed Australian / average Strathfieldsaye resident?

The Slipknot

“Do you hate the establishment and loath being told what to do, Honey?” asks Dong-Gangle. “Get your head behind the eye holes of this little thrash-rock-sounding-noise-maker number. You look a real treat!”

The Mask Mask

“Do you miss the ’90s, Girlfriend? Wish you could go back to being a size zero and live life before Tik Tok, Facey, the ‘Gram, and your social popularity disappeared? Nostalgia is for you with this green faced rubber icon of yesteryear.”

The Duck Face

“Darling, do you worry about people staring at your big nose or/and herpes rash? Worry no more with this fancy covering that covers too much of the gob to be realistically worn by anyone in healthcare.”

The Riot Rag

“Do you hate it when people from another religion adhere to some outdated reference someone misinterpreted from a made-up text? Then this is for you! Protest against people hiding their face by hiding your face with a national flag face covering you gutless twerp.” (Written and spoken by Travis Dong-Gangle. His opinions are his own.)

The Fruit Top

“Do you want to take something slightly ok and turn it into a frightening object? I mean, basically, do you like Halloween sweety? If so, then this crap is for you, because who the hell else is it for?”

The Comic Cowel

“Have you been watching Disney+?”

The Kelly Gang

“Afraid of a virus based on contact and ingestion could jump into your body like Patrick Swayze hopped into Whoopi Goldberg in the movie Ghost, then he danced with his ex-girlfriend but everyone was ok with it? Sure, strap into one of these metal numbers and prepare to be the last one standing at Domesday.”