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Your Horoscope – Week Of February 18, 2019

Here are your Horoscopes for this week.


♒ Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

You will get lost while driving. • Tell that person you love them. You know who we’re talking about. Wait! No, not him! Stop you fool!


♓ Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20


♈ Aries | March 21 to April 19


♉ Taurus | April 20 to May 20

That hot tip you got will make you look foolish. • A stranger may mean you harm this week so greet everyone with a blood-curdling shriek.


♊ Gemini | May 21 to June 20

Don’t go to the company party. • You will be mistaken for a celebrity you detest.


♋ Cancer | June 21 to July 22

The milk is going bad as you read this. • Your paranoia is justified.


♌ Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

It’s clear your future lies in the church. But they won’t have you. • Your carpet will stop matching your curtains.


♍ Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

The body under the couch is starting to smell. • Hide from those who mean to tickle you.


♎ Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

Your next shower will be interrupted by a large mildly poisonous insect. • You will find yourself nervous and gassy this evening.

♏ Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

Your best friend is sleeping with your pet. • You will miss the toilet more than you think.

♐ Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21


♑ Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

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