Your Horoscope – Week Of July 30, 2018

Here are your Horoscopes for this week.

 ♌ Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

If it’s your birthday enjoy it like its your first.

♍ Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

It’s OK, it happens to everyone. Just not as often. Your lucky colour is florescent black.

♎ Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

You’ll miss the toilet more than you think

♏ Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

Your week is ruined when you realise it’s 2018 and those born in the year 2002 can get their L’s this year

♐ Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

You were visited by aliens last night and, based on your Facebook page, they found our species not worth investigating further

♑ Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

A sneeze will nearly cripple you sometime this week. Not saying when. It’s a surprise.

Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Your current life-threatening condition was entirely preventable. Isn’t that funny?

♓ Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

You will stay humble by taking a lower paying position.

♈ Aries | March 21 to April 19

No one makes eating noises quite like you.

♉ Taurus | April 20 to May 20

Your sudden sweet tooth is probably a sign of impending doom. You develop a taste for Kale instead.

♊ Gemini | May 21 to June 20

If you are unsure about something, then weigh your options and do the right thing. Remember that nobody can hold you down but yourself.

♋ Cancer | June 21 to July 22

Your still disappointed the theme from Rage didn’t make Triple J’s Hottest 100. It ruins your week.

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