Your Horoscope – Week Of March 27, 2023

Here’s your horoscope for the week.

♈ Aries | March 21 to April 19

Well, Aries, the stars have spoken, and they’re telling you to finally organize your sock drawer today. Because, you know, that’s the most pressing issue in your life. Forget about work or relationships, those socks aren’t going to pair themselves!

Your lucky colour: Kaleidoscope Koala.

♉ Taurus | April 20 to May 20

Taurus, today is the day to assert your dominance as the alpha vegetable in the garden of life. Make your presence known by standing on a street corner shouting, “I am the one true Taurus, hear me moo!” Embrace your inner bull and charge at your goals, but avoid actual china shops, please.

Your lucky colour: Macaroni and Cheese Magenta.

♊ Gemini | May 21 to June 20

Congratulations, Gemini! You’ve officially mastered the art of overthinking. Today, you’ll contemplate the meaning of life while staring at a bowl of cereal. Just remember, those cornflakes won’t reveal the secrets of the universe.

Your lucky colour: Neon Taupe.

♋ Cancer | June 21 to July 22

Cancer, it’s time to put your emotional rollercoaster skills to the test. Today, laugh, cry, and scream all within a span of five minutes. You’ll give your friends whiplash trying to keep up with your mood swings, but hey, life’s never boring with you around.

Your lucky colour: Ultraviolet Beige

♌ Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

Today, Leo, your ego will expand to the size of a small planet. Don’t worry, though; it’s not like you’ll become the centre of the universe or anything. Oh wait, you already think you are. Carry on, your highness!

Your lucky colour: Glittery Maroon.

Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

Virgo, you’re going to become a master of nitpicking today. You’ll spend the whole day organizing your spice rack alphabetically and by color. Because that’s an absolutely essential task that will change your life for the better.

Your lucky colour: Iridescent Mauve.

♎ Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

The scales have tipped, Libra, and you are now on a secret mission to bring balance to the world. Your first task is to find the person who invented unsliced bread and demand an explanation. Then, count the number of jellybeans in a jar to restore equilibrium to the universe.

Your lucky colour: Fluorescent Brown.

Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

Scorpio, you’ve decided that wanderlust is a lifestyle, not a hobby. Today, you’ll book a one-way ticket to a remote island with no Wi-Fi or electricity. After all, who needs basic amenities when you’ve got adventure?

Your lucky colour: Cosmic Tangerine.

♐ Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

Sagittarius, you’ve been given the gift of superpowers today, but unfortunately, it’s the power to make toast slightly warmer. Seize the day by sharing your newfound talent with friends and family, but don’t let it go to your head. Remember, with great power comes great responsibility… to serve breakfast.

Your lucky colour: Holographic Periwinkle.

♑ Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

Today, Capricorn, you will find yourself in a heated discussion about the best way to fold a fitted sheet. As the conversation spirals out of control, remember that you have the power to restore order with your mystical knowledge of laundry origami. Embrace the chaos, then fold it neatly into a drawer.

Your lucky colour: Radioactive Teal.

♒ Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Aquarius, it’s time to spread your wings and fly. Literally. Today, you’ll decide that walking is overrated and attempt to levitate instead. Good luck with that; we’re sure it’ll be a “breeze.”

Your lucky colour: Aquamarine Armadillo.

♓ Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

Oh, Pisces, your dreamy nature is in full force today. You’ll spend the day imagining yourself as a mermaid frolicking in the ocean, while completely ignoring your overflowing laundry basket. Because who needs clean clothes when you can have a magical underwater kingdom?

Your lucky colour: Periwinkle Platypus.

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