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Your Horoscope – Week Of May 8, 2023

Here’s your horoscope for the week.


♉ Taurus | April 20 to May 20

This week, Taurus, the universe urges you to embrace your stubbornness. Double down on those arguments, you know, I don’t think you’re right about. It’s not about being right; it’s about feeling right. And isn’t that what really matters?

Your lucky colour: Invisible spectrum.


♊ Gemini | May 21 to June 20

Gemini, your legendary ability to make decisions will really shine this week! Watch as your friends and family marvel at your incredible decisiveness. You’ll make life-changing choices left and right, like whether to have cereal or toast for breakfast. Seriously, they should give out awards for this.

Your lucky colour: Mid-life crisis magenta.


♋ Cancer | June 21 to July 22

Cancer, the universe suggests you explore the great indoors this week. You’ll find solace in rearranging your furniture for the 18th time this year. Just remember, a well-organized home equals a well-organized life. Or something like that.

Your lucky colour: Moldy cheese orange.


♌ Leo | July 23 to Aug. 22

Leo, as the natural-born leader you are, it’s time to take charge of every situation—even when it’s completely unnecessary. People need your unsolicited advice, even if they don’t know it yet. Go forth and micromanage!

Your lucky colour: Cat litter grey.


Virgo | Aug. 23 to Sept. 22

Virgo, you know that life is all about the details. So, this week, make sure to overanalyze and criticize absolutely everything. Remember, perfection is attainable if you point out enough flaws in others!

Your lucky colour: Unripe banana yellow.


♎ Libra | Sept. 23 to Oct. 22

Ah, Libra, your indecisiveness is truly legendary. This week, embrace the chaos of uncertainty and take a ridiculously long time to make even the most mundane decisions. Let your friends revel in your inability to choose a lunch spot.

Your lucky colour: Overcooked broccoli green.


Scorpio | Oct. 23 to Nov. 21

Scorpio, it’s time to channel your inner detective. Become the master of overthinking and dig up dirt on everyone you know. Knowledge is power; you never know when you might need some juicy gossip for leverage.

Your lucky colour: Sunburnt salmon.


♐ Sagittarius | Nov. 22 to Dec. 21

This week, Sagittarius, the stars encourage you to embrace your inner philosopher. Share your unsolicited opinions and deep thoughts with anyone who will listen, regardless of whether they’re interested. You’re practically Socrates.

Your lucky colour: Hospital gown blue.


♑ Capricorn | Dec. 22 to Jan. 19

Capricorn, this week is all about maintaining your reputation as the responsible one. Remember, fun is overrated, and there’s always more work to be done. Don’t forget to remind everyone how busy you are!

Your lucky colour: Baby nappy brown.


♒ Aquarius | Jan. 20 to Feb. 18

Aquarius, get ready to share your quirky and innovative ideas with the world. It doesn’t matter if they’re practical; everyone needs a good laugh. Bonus points if you can convince someone to invest in your latest harebrained scheme.

Your lucky colour: Unicorn puke rainbow.


♓ Pisces | Feb. 19 to March 20

Embrace your emotional side, Pisces. The stars suggest you become a human mood ring this week, changing colours and emotions every five minutes. Everyone loves an unpredictable rollercoaster of emotions, right?

Your lucky colour: Fluorescent black.


♈ Aries | March 21 to April 19

Oh, Aries, we all know you can’t resist a challenge! So, this week, get ready to find the most obscure and pointless cause you can and dedicate your entire life to it. The stars have spoken: it’s time to be the hero nobody asked for.

Your lucky colour: Unimpressed umber.

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