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Bendigo Man Proudly Declares: ‘I Like Big Butts and I Cannot Lie!’

In a statement that surprised absolutely no one, local man Brett “Biggie” McAllister, 32, publicly declared his undying love for big butts during a heated discussion at his favourite watering hole, yesterday.

“I like big butts, and I cannot lie,” McAllister announced loudly to a room of uninterested patrons. “You other brothers can’t deny.”

“It’s 2025. Everyone likes big butts now,” Sandra Henderson told The Bendigo Standard, while rolling her eyes. “It’s not exactly groundbreaking. Maybe try liking something less obvious, like ankles.”

“I don’t care what anyone says,” McAllister continued, gesturing wildly with a pint of VB. “When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a round thing in your face, you get sprung!”

Sources close to McAllister say his obsession with big butts has been an open secret for years. “He’s been like this since Year 9 when he first saw Baby Got Back on Rage,” said childhood friend Nathan McGregor.

Undeterred, McAllister says he’s considering launching a podcast to discuss his passion for ample derrières. Tentatively titled ‘The Cheek of It’, the podcast will reportedly cover the history of big butts, the socio-political implications of church pews, and why he believes flat cushions are a conspiracy.

At press time, McAllister was last seen at the jukebox attempting to play Baby Got Back for the fourth consecutive time, much to the dismay of bar staff and patrons alike.

“Big butts are life, and I’ll die on this hill.”

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