Local man Jim Wallace has elevated the concept of “saving a spot” to unparalleled heights by setting up a full-sized beach cabana on Pall Mall, ensuring prime viewing for this year’s Easter Parade two months early.
“I’m not about to let some jackaninny steal my view of the Chinese dragon. Not today, satan,” Wallace said, lounging in his deck chair with a pre-mixed Bundy and Coke.
Eyewitnesses report that Wallace’s setup includes a Weber, an esky stocked with 24 cans of Woodstock, and a portable toilet, adding a distinct aroma to nearby Bendigo Creek.
While Wallace is clearly a man of vision, his efforts have not gone unnoticed—or unimpeded. “He’s in the bloody way,” said tram driver Carol Henson, who was forced to slam on the brakes after Wallace’s cabana appeared in the tram’s path. “I gave him the *ding, ding*, but he told me to go around.”
City officials have asked Wallace to move, but he remains unfazed, even popping open another can of Woodstock. “It’s a public space. First in, best dressed.”
When asked if he plans to keep his prime spot for the next two months leading up to the parade, Wallace replied, “You better believe it. I’ll even build a pool next week if I have to.”
