Huntly residents have been reassured that while their tap water may resemble a strong Earl Grey, it remains “technically less shit” than Melbourne’s Yarra River, according to Coliban Water.
In a statement released Monday, officials acknowledged that “some customers may have noticed a slight change in the colour of their water,” which is a polite way of saying it looks like someone wrung out a dish sponge into the supply.
A spokesperson for Coliban Water told The Bendigo Standard, “We understand that water should be, ideally, clear. Since the 1900s, the Yarra has looked like chocolate milk from Temu Willy Wonka.”
According to experts, the issue was caused by record-high water demand due to the recent heatwave, which “disturbed sediment” in the pipes. This sediment, often described as “the seasoning of the water supply,” has given Huntly’s tap water an exciting new visual aesthetic between weak coffee and “mystery liquid found in an abandoned esky.”
The authorities attempted to flush the water mains last week to correct the problem. However, this was described as “not as successful as we had hoped”—a profoundly comforting phrase when applied to the only liquid keeping people alive.
Additional flushing will continue throughout the week, so residents can expect sudden drops in water pressure, mysterious air bubbles, and the existential dread of seeing their drinking water look like it’s decanted through an old footy sock.
Coliban Water has set up a free alternative drinking water station because nothing screams ‘developed nation’ like having to BYO your drinkable water.
“It’s a pop-up hydration station, like a food truck, but for water.”
