In a surprising turn of events, the notoriously elusive bats of Rosalind Park have issued a formal demand for the relocation of Bendigo’s human population to Long Gully, citing overcrowding, noise pollution, and a general lack of respect for batkind.
The statement, delivered via an ominous swarm formation that briefly spelled out “GET OUT” over the park, has left local authorities scrambling to negotiate with the increasingly aggressive flying mammal population.
The bats’ demand comes after months of public outcry over their roosting habits, with many Bendigo residents calling for removal. In a dramatic reversal, the bats now insist that humans be moved to a less bat-centric location, and they’ve chosen Long Gully as the perfect spot.
The bats argue that the current arrangement is unsustainable. “We were here first,” said senior bat Bruce-Dwayne, who has seen every sunset over Rosalind Park since 1983. “These humans just show up with their ‘wellness walks’ and ‘Instagram photos.’ It’s a nightmare. Do you know how hard it is to sleep when there’s a yoga class under your tree?”
A spokesperson for the Bendigo Human Relocation Council (BHRC), an organization that advocates for the rights of both humans and bats, has responded to the demands by suggesting an “open dialogue” with the bat community.
“I’ve already started packing,” said resident Dean Thomas, who lives a stone’s throw from Rosalind Park. “Long Gully, here I come. I hope there’s decent Wi-Fi.”
