Rusty, a 1985 Toyota Corolla that has seen better decades, embarked on the epic 30-kilometre quest earlier this week, leaving its sceptical owner, Phil Henderson, and a group of equally doubtful onlookers questioning their life choices.
The Corolla, known for its dubious ability to emit more smoke than a 1980s blue light disco and rattle like a maraca in an earthquake, somehow navigated the Calder and treacherous backroads of regional Victoria. Witnesses report that the car’s exhaust system appeared to be held together by nothing more than wishful thinking and several layers of duct tape.
“We figured it would be more of a rescue mission than a road trip,” admitted Henderson, who hasn’t bothered with any basic maintenance since the Hawke government. “I didn’t even think it would survive on the Calder without exploding into a cloud of rusty shrapnel. But here we are. Alive. And back.”
The trip was not without its moments of tension. About halfway to Maldon, the vehicle reportedly started producing noises reminiscent of a haunted house on Halloween, which Henderson ignored by turning up the radio—until it shorted out, leaving only the sound of impending doom.
Visibly shaken but euphoric after the return journey, Henderson told The Bendigo Standard that he “never doubted Rusty for a second,” despite the car’s windshield being held in place with zip ties and the driver’s seat resembling a collapsed deck chair.
In a related story, Henderson announced plans to celebrate the achievement by parking Rusty in his driveway, which will remain until he can afford to bribe the next potential buyer to take it off his hands. “It’s a legend now,” he said proudly. “People will tell stories about this car for years to come.”
Unfortunately, the legend may soon come to an abrupt end, as Henderson later discovered that Rusty’s registration expired two years ago. When informed of this, Henderson reportedly shrugged and muttered, “I guess some miracles have limits.”
