Melbourne Has Trams Now Too

“Bloody hell,” ejaculated Dominic West, 97, Jackass Flat.

Mr West was recently in Melbourne on a fact finding mission.

“My wife, you see, Myrtle, she has this knee, you know, gosh it has given her strife since Nathan was, oh, well, knee-high to a grasshopper, you wouldn’t believe it, heh, heh, heh, look at the size of him now, what a lad, he ate all his spinach, I tell you, he’s now in aeroplanes or something, goes away for months at a time, has hearings, then comes back, has all these tattoos of his travels, he says, some of them Chinese, or Japanese, or something, Myrtle does not like the ones on his neck, what are you to do, anyway she’s got this knee and I wanted to see if there was anything in the city because they didn’t have anything in Kangaroo Flat,” said Mr West.

The tram system in Melbourne is a rival to Bendigo’s in only one way.

“They are very low,” said Mr West. “If you have bad knees like Myrtle they are good to get on.”

Other than that.

“They go everywhere! Once you get on one you could wind-up anywhere, it’s a nightmare, and they look horrible, like someone took a dump on a glitter gun and fired it out a tube, and there’s no conductors. How the hell you do pay for anything?”

So until Melbourne lifts its act and improves its tram system, Bendigo will continue to have better trams.

Related articles