Record January Temperatures Cause Sharp Spike in Bad Valentines Cards

Record sweltering weather conditions in Bendigo have seen a strong upswing in heat-related Valentines Day cards slogans.

Local florist Bree Tael-Sales said, “Yaah, we’ve seen a lot of sales of, ‘The Hottest Day On Record Was The One Where You Walked Into My Life’. Doing pretty well on, ‘Being With You Feels Like A January Day Where There’s A Blackout And The Air-Conditioner Stops Working.’ Not doing as well as we’d like with, ‘You Are The Likely Cause of Catastrophic Fire Conditions…In My Pants’. Like, one guy from Kinglake looked at that one and called me an insensitive monster. What’s his deal?”

Chocolate sales are also brisk, with the ‘We’re Pretty Sure this Hasn’t Melted Together’ and ‘Ok, This Has Melted A Bit But You Were Going To Throw Out Those Nougat Ones Anyway, Right?’ gift boxes among the top sellers.

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