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    These are wheelie bins.

    Eaglehawk Bin Captain Pranks Street By Putting Out Wrong Bins

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    Local Office Worker Who Doesn’t Carry Cash Told He’s A Year Behind In Casual Dress Donations

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    Local Office Worker Who Doesn’t Carry Cash Told He’s A Year Behind In Casual Dress Donations

    Bendigo TattsLotto Winner Decides To Fix Hargreaves Mall Himself

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    Melbournians Urged to Stay The Fork Away From Bendigo

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  • News
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    • Politics
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    These are wheelie bins.

    Eaglehawk Bin Captain Pranks Street By Putting Out Wrong Bins

    Funko Immortalize Cogho In Pop! Vinyl Form

    Local Office Worker Who Doesn’t Carry Cash Told He’s A Year Behind In Casual Dress Donations

    Bendigo TattsLotto Winner Decides To Fix Hargreaves Mall Himself

    Busker Ready To Revive Coles Busking Scene For The Third Time

    Trump Hires Sweaty Law Expert Dennis Denuto

    Bendigo Council Elections A Shambles. America: “Hold My Beer”

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Church Of Scientology Brings Love To Universal Nightclub

  • Bendi-Life
    • All
    • Fashion
    • Health
    • Horoscopes
    • Humans of Bendigo
    • Money
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    • What's On

    Local Office Worker Who Doesn’t Carry Cash Told He’s A Year Behind In Casual Dress Donations

    Bendigo TattsLotto Winner Decides To Fix Hargreaves Mall Himself

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Council Shuts Down 6 Year Old’s Marijuana Stand For Not Having A Permit

    Dan Andrews Reveals Ring Of Steel Is Just A Giant Egg Ring

    Melbournians Urged to Stay The Fork Away From Bendigo

    Moama Man Drives To Dubbo Dan Murphy’s After Being Denied Entry To Echuca

    Bendigo Airport Offers Fake Flights For Sydney-Starved Tourists

    Local COVID-19 Patients Quarantined On Lake Tom Thumb Island

  • Entertainment
    • All
    • Movies
    • Music
    • TV

    Scottish Vets Neuter Prime Possum

    Grown Adult Still Traumatised By Faceless Doll In 90’s Kids Show

    Brendan Fraser Signs On For “Pre-Covid Man”

    10 Albums That Impacted The Bendigo Standard

    Dad Refers To Groovin The Moo As ‘Groovin To The Moo’

    Bendi-Con Cosplayer Dressed As Dr Manhattan Arrested By Police, Told To Put Pants On

    Channel 10 Begins Filming I’m From Bong Gully… Get Me Out Of Here ya ****!

    Tramspotting Screening at the Star Cinema

    Great Scott! Rod Fyffe Cast As Doc Brown In Upcoming Back To The Future Remake

  • Food + Drink

    Hoarder Cocktail Night Recipes: Hand Sanitizer And Cola, And More

    Hoarder Fashion: Pasta Necklaces Are In This Year!!!!

    Local Man To Take Part In Eating In Bed Olympics

    Darrell Lea To Release The Taste Of Bendigo

    Local Man Gives Three Thumbs Up To Bendigo’s Smallest Parma

    Local Man Fired For Putting Communal Sauce In The Fridge

    Local Man Discovers You Can’t Get Naked At Get Naked Espresso Bar

    “Babyccino’s Are Gateway to Caffeine Addiction” Says Local Mum

    Is Buddy Giving Two Up Yours or Two Thumbs Up? You Be The Judge

  • Technology

    5G Causes Tim Reuben To Leave Hit FM

    Parents On Laptops Complain About Kids On Tablets

    COVIDsafe App Not As Fun or Security Flawed As FaceApp

    Zoom Replaces Excel As Most Hated Workplace App

    Cat Fails To Search For Coronavirus Cure

    Local Man Records Sound Of Fart

    Local Man creates Bendigo Have Your Say app

    Local unsure if ‘Bendigo Lifts 4 Cash’ is for drug deals or booty calls

    Local Influencers Apply For Centrelink After Instagram Goes Down

  • Sport

    Most Complicated Hopscotch Ever Produced

    Anakin Skywalker Declares Coronavirus Is “Not Podracing”

    Local Man To Take Part In Eating In Bed Olympics

    AFL Suggests Putting Zip Ties On Your Helmet To Prevent Magpie Attacks During Finals

    Hawthorn Announces New Mascots

    Right Up Your Alley: S#!*ty Bowling Launches In Bendigo

    Kangaroo Sets Sights On Anthony Mundine After Enrolling In Boxing Class

    Bendigo Trolley Pusher Breaks World Record

    Carlton Currently Undefeated In 2019

The Bendigo Standard
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Bendigo Bank Office Floor Unable To Find Chairlift Lever

Luke Morris by Luke Morris
October 2, 2018
in Bendigo News

“Hey Marty does your chair go up?” asks TIm from IT, who is 27 and lives with his Mum in Huntly.

“Narr mate I don’t think so,” replies Marty, also in IT but a different type, and also 27 but he lives with his girlfriend in Ironbark – if that is a real place.

“Mine used to,” said Natasha, a 28-year-old owner of one cat who lives in Castlemaine. She catches the train up most days but recently has been staying overnight closer to Bendigo. She’s not telling anyone about that just yet. You know. Fingers crossed but sometimes stuff just doesn’t work out.

“How do you mean?” asks Tim, looking under his chair for any signs of a level thing while swinging around, appearing like a slumped Weekend at Bernie’s type corpse on a lazy susan.

“I mean,” Natasha looks under her chair, “I think one of these does something.”

“Which one,” calls Marty, his head ducked between his legs like an ostrich playing hide and seek.

“This one?” asks Tim, and suddenly his chair tilts forward and he bounces like a bus full of pre-schoolers, with an ungraceful cry of “Yikees!” towards the floor.

“Not sure,” says Natasha, and she flicks at a lever that fires the backrest into her kidneys like an MMA fighter with fifteen years of experience in making you hurt.

She said, “Arrgh!”

Marty said, “What about…” then falls to the floor as the chair drops with the kind of thud one would expect from a tomato sauce bottle being dropped back into the fridge door – yeah I said fridge door. Tomato sauce lives in the fridge!

Tim said, while hunched with his forehead on the floor, “Are we getting those stand-up workbenches soon?”

Natasha said, “Yes,” then lay on the floor for a quick nap and recovery.

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This Just In

  • Eaglehawk Bin Captain Pranks Street By Putting Out Wrong Bins
  • Funko Immortalize Cogho In Pop! Vinyl Form
  • Local Office Worker Who Doesn’t Carry Cash Told He’s A Year Behind In Casual Dress Donations
  • Bendigo TattsLotto Winner Decides To Fix Hargreaves Mall Himself
  • Busker Ready To Revive Coles Busking Scene For The Third Time
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